No one else can play your part

            At breakfast the other day we read a devotional that included Jesus reminding us what a good and loving friend he is.  Hannah read it out loud, and then said, “He sure is bragging.”  Harper said, “Um, someone needs to go to church.”  I was thinking to myself, “Please can I finish my coffee before having a theological discussion with my 9 year old.”  That girl keeps me on my toes.      

One of Hannah’s first homework assignments this past week was to fill out a questionnaire about her.  She was asked to describe what she does well.  The teacher even wrote in italics, “Go ahead and brag.” Hannah did not want to answer that question.  I pushed her a little bit and she said, “No, I can’t write anything that sounds braggy.”  I then tried to explain the difference of bragging and believing in herself.   I asked her to come up with 4 things by the end of the week that she does well.  Hannah was not happy about the prospect of saying 4 good things about herself.  However, she eventually came around and wrote that she is a good baker, a good artist, a good biker, and a good writer.  When I added things like loving or kind or thoughtful, she balked.  It was easier for her to write about things she does well than good things about who she is.  Sometimes she is too much like her mother. Sigh.

            This made me think about how difficult it is for me, also, to think about, write, or say what is good about me.  Maybe it is the same for you? I support an organization called To Write Love on Her Arms

, which is devoted to helping people struggling with suicide, depression and addiction. This week is National Suicide Prevention week.  As part of their campaign, TWLOHA, has a packet that I purchased that includes the t-shirt I’m wearing, a print with the same design, and a piece of paper with the words, No one else can play my part because…The idea is to fill it out and share it to support the idea that every one of us has a sacred part to play.  I keep trying to write something but nothing feels right.  One of my core beliefs is that everyone has value and is significant, but to actually put into words why I am is difficult, almost anathema. 

            I’m not sure where my strong distaste for bragging comes from.  My family has a healthy self-regard.   I think it may lurk somewhere in my religious past.  When I was seeing a counselor he would ask me to look him in the eye and tell him the positive things people had said to me in the last week, or say out loud good things about myself.  I wanted to mumble it and look the other way.  No one likes a bragger, for sure.  I prefer to be self-deprecating and tell jokes at my expense.  However, the exercise of weekly telling my former therapist good things about myself or positive things people said about me helped me start to believe it.   Once he even gave me an assignment to tell my best friend something positive someone had said about me.  I was horrified.  Why would I want to tell her that?  Surely, she would think I was bragging.  I told her the assignment reluctantly, saying it made no sense. She said it made perfect sense to her.  He knew she already knew the positive thing said about me and by telling her it would help me believe it.  It felt like the two of them were conspiring together, but of course they weren’t.  Health was conspiring! 

            So here goes, No one else can play my part because I’m a whacky blend of sweet and spicy, reverent and profane, complicated and simple, confident and insecure, nice girl and wanna-be bad ass.  I love tattoos and tea parties.  I’m a mother to my two daughters and a wife and friend to my husband.  I’m a mental health counselor and I’ve been in mental health counseling.  I’m a believer in hope when all feels hopeless, in light when the darkness feels overpowering, in beauty amidst the messiness and chaos of life.  I am grateful for my unique story, for who I am, for who I love and for who loves me. 

            Now it’s your turn.   No one else can play your part because…